Cumbersome; adjective: Large or heavy and therefore difficult to carry or
use; unwieldy; slow or complicated and therefore inefficient.
Morbid; adjective: Characterized by or appealing to an abnormal and
unhealthy interest in disturbing and unpleasant subjects, esp. death and
disease.
Rampage; verb: (Especially of a large group of people) rush around in a
violent and uncontrollable manner; noun: A period of violent and uncontrollable
behavior, typically involving a large group of people.
The storm rages on outside.
Large droplets of rain beat against the window and the sound resonates
in the house as if it is raining inside.
The power has been out and the lit candles cast moving shadows that make
the house feel unsafe, not from the rain; something else. The wine is still chilled and I pour another
glass to take off the edge. There is so
much to do. I partly think that darkness can benefit the task. I look about to find the items needed. I get distracted as I walk by my fish
tank. I apologize that there is no
electricity and the goldfish are unconcerned but they do want some food. I feed them hoping to comfort them. You may laugh, but I am affectionate towards
my fish. Their eyes see everything, but
they never tell. Fish are excellent
pets.
I do not need light to find what I need. The duffle bag is large and cumbersome, and
easily found in the bottom of the closet.
If something is not packed inside, it can be easily replaced. That is how I feel towards material
things. They serve a purpose and
disposable. I did not always feel this
way. There was a time I valued having a
lot of everything. I could not do what I
do if there were things for me to be responsible for. In the shadows I can see the paint peeling
off the walls, the house is rubbish anyway, nothing really to lose. No one knows the house is rubbish. I never invited anyone over. I think on several occasions I even lied
about my address. The lack of everything would disappoint anyone else, but I
find it freeing. Part of me knows there
will not be another place such as this.
It is slightly morbid to me to know my next residence is a penthouse
with glossy marble tiled floors. I will
have a dog walker that will bring my dog to the park twice a day. The doorman
will know of all my comings and goings.
There will no longer be the freedom of the shack. Part of me wants to set fire to everything,
but the rain has changed my mind. If I
set fire to everything, I want it to have the opportunity to burn completely to
ashes. I have never felt completely safe.
I suppose my surroundings have never made me secure.
I return to the fish with a large bucket and drain the water
to half and net them out. I do love
them. Carrot, the largest goldfish has
grown too large for the tank. He is
going on four years old. I am taking
them to the nearest pond and setting them free.
Carrot was won at the local carnival, I could not bear it if I left them
to die alone. At least in the pond they
will have a chance. The tiny ones I fear
will become food for larger fish or turtles.
I finish my wine and consider if I should wait until the
rain stops, but considering that I have an eighteen hour drive I would rather
get going and risk the danger of the weather than contemplate staying. I pull on my goulashes and trudge to the car
lugging first my bag, then another trip to put the fish in the passenger
floorboard. The rain has soaked me and
I grab the wine bottle and blow out the candles. I make the last trip to the truck. Inside the truck I remove my wet jacket and
put on a hat.
There is no one to tell I am leaving except the fish and
there is no way to assure them everything will be alright. I pull out into the night, I consider telling
the fish of my plans to make my way to the West and consider taking them
along. Could they survive the
drive? Sentimental? What kind of person arrives to their
penthouse with a bucket of goldfish? It
is laughable. Arriving with live fish
would certainly set me apart from the other neighbors. I regret I did make preparations for
them. I will let them loose soon
enough. My dog will keep me company in
the penthouse. I’m getting a puppy that
will surely rampage the penthouse.
In the rear view window I watch the house disappear in the
darkness and rain. I know I will not
return.
ooh more I love to know the background of why they are running
ReplyDeleteI love this! Really makes my imagination run wild with the back story. Brilliant
ReplyDelete