Tuesday, February 21, 2017

An Affair (that lasted from 8am to 5pm)

Many of my grilfriends are single and they have chats on-line with total strangers. We sometimes share the details.    

This is a chat  between my friend Scarlett and Mike that lasted all day and was a delight to read.  
Keep in mind, He is a good o'le boy who is from Southern Mississippi, and she is a country girl from South Alabama, which might be why they seemed to click.  😉

8:26 am
S: I’m going to be running errands all day and won’t have data, text me and msg me every hour J 

M: Deal

9:15 am
M: hi Scarlett. its Mike.

S: perfect! Don’t be sending me naked pics, I’ll be with my grandmother and smart phones blow her mind already.

M: Ha I won’t be dong that but you feel free to. I’m sure you have some on your phone jk

S: No, My grandmother won’t take the picture. Sorry the only skin pic is one  sent to ask if a wound might need stitches. Trust me I have good skin and it covers all of me.


S: want to play 10 questions? You ask me questions and you also answer them. Ask and answer as time permits.
Ex: how tall are you? I’m 5’5"

M: I’m 6’ I weigh 190 your turn lol

S: 1st q: how much do I weigh? Less than 300 #s more than 100 # I’m a decent work out if you are into bench pressing people.

M: lol you’ve played this too much

S: No, you’re my first victim. I just put my profile up Monday.  I’m shy, but not boring.

M: victim lol

S: Q2?

M: Any tats?

S: you can check me for tats, I don’t recall getting any.

M: I’ll be very thorough
11:22 am

1:16 pm
M: No more questions?

S: I thought you were going to ask all the questions… OK I’ll ask odd numbered and you ask evens.
Q3: where do you live?

M: Ha OK Ft. Bragg, you?

S: Cottonwood. so a quickie is off the table.

M: why’s that so you not like quickies??

S: Oh I do but it will take some planning… logistics

M: I’m army. Logistics is my specialty

1:41 pm 
M sends a pic of himself in his vehicle sunglasses on.

S: You are cute!! I’m a sucker for a clean shaved guy. It flips my switch ;)

M: Darling, I’ll flip your switch!!!!! 
But instead of a quickie I rather take my time with you

S: (smiley emoji with heart eyes)  Lucky me.

M: Ha right

S: Q4?

M: Go for it
Oh my turn

S: zzzz

M: Am I boring you?

S: You forgot it was your turn

M: OK what are you doing tonight?
I asked a question

S: I regret I have plans every night until the 21st.  If you asked me a week ago…

M: wth you doing every night?

S: So personal… If I tell you, then you will know I’m lame.

M: You gotta tell me now

S: I’m catfishing in a tournament every night.

M: That’s awesome. Your stock just went up.

S: Really that’s attractive?? Chicken livers on a hook??

M: I’m in love
I hand grab them

S: The verdict should be out, til the weigh in

M: It’s a rush

S: I’ve seen it done but I’m skeered I’ll stick with a hook

M: lol

S: I’ll watch

M: Where you fishing

S: The dam @ Columbia on the Georgia side

M: oh ok
Never been there
Too bad you are busy

S: I am disappointed too I think if we hung out we’d have fun

M: I know we would

S: Q5: do you drink

M: (sends a pic of a Michelob Ultra in a coozie on a picnic table) Maybe

S: I do If we went out tonight we could go to a bar, I know the band and I like their music.  It’s a little smoky but a good time.

M: too bad you are fishing

S: what do you usually do on a date?

M: Well No, usually go out to eat. Dancing if things are going well

S: your turn

M: What do you like on a first date?

S: I’m new at this and have been on one date, so I guess I would agree to dinner and see where it went

M: I’ve never been out with anyone I met on-line. 

S: Same here. I just got on- lineMonday.  
I usually hang out with the same people and decided to take a chance
My daughter said tinder is for criminals and rapist. I guess I’m a rapist…

M: Well I guess I am too lol

S: Q7: how long have you been single?

M: 1 month
Kidding lol
4 yrs

S: I was about to delete your #

M: lol

S: If we only have a one night stand, your naked body is really the only thing I want to know about you
Too forward?

M: Not at all

S: If you want a long term ting I will ask for health and financial records

M: LOL I’m army so I’m clean.  We get tested yearly

S: If you have a gambling problem or a habit of hookers, deal breaker

M: Don’t gamble and damn sure don’t pay for it
I mean look at me lol

S: Yeah, why are you even on-line dating???

M: Cause I don’t go out at all I hunt fish and ride around in my jeep oh and most people get on my nerves

S: Are you quiet?

M: lol naw

S: your turn

M: Are you looking for something serious or a good time?

S: I’d like to be in a relationship because this not easy
The dating pool is shallow when you live in a small town. You?

M: I’d like to find someone to have out with. Not sure about marriage

S: Marriage never worked out for me. I stopped after I learned my lesson

M: ( winky face imogie)

S: When is your birthday?

M: July

S: Ok I would feel bad if you told me on our first date it’s your birthday and I didn’t know

M: lol When’s yours

S: August

M: Cool
So when are we going out

S: Well the 21st… or if you are off for presidents day

M: I am off but will be out of town

S: OK ask me out when you get back

M: Aight

S: You should go on a few dates between now and then , I like someone with experience 
(shy face emoji)


S: I already know I can use the practice
You lover boy, are as I said, my first victim

M: I’ll happily be your first victim
5:15 pm

Today is the 21st. They have not communicated.  I am finding out, that a lot of these chats are actually as close as two people get to a real relationship.  

I really liked the back and foth of this and wanted to share.  

Happy South ya'll!

Daily Panic

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Did I call you yesterday?

Three words. Write.

Tangy, adjective: zesty, sharp, acid, acidic, tart, sour, bitter, piquant, spicy, tasty, pungent.

Unhinged, adjective: deranged, demented, unbalanced, unglued, crazed, mad, insane, disturbed, out of one's mind, out of one's tree; informal crazy, mental, nutso, bonkers, batty, loopy, loco, postal, bananas, touched, batshit.

Vapid, adjective: insipid, uninspired, colorless, uninteresting, feeble, flat, dull, boring, tedious, tired, unexciting, uninspiring, unimaginative, uninvolving, lifeless, tame, vacuous, bland, trite, jejune.

A short. Short. Story.

 Did I call you Yesterday?

I’m sitting in my car speaking to you over blue tooth.

Did I call you yesterday?  I barely remember hearing your voice.  I told you I couldn’t find my car.  I remember telling you I searched for it on the rooftops, and how I slipped from the terra cotta shingles and ended up falling on my back into someone’s backyard.  The couple that lived in the house was a vapid pair and did not oblige the anxiety or urgency to find my car.  They didn’t even care that I fell from the roof.  They didn’t even question it.  They treated me like I was there for a visit. They fed me a lunch of cucumber sandwiches, which are out of season.  They made me watch their butler and maid re-enact a scene from the celebrated Broadway play, “Hamilton.”  Not being actors, the scene was a jumble and not entertaining. 

They gave me a drink, although tangy and sweet, it made me sweat and I insisted on calling you.  They allowed me the use of their phone, it was strangely attached to the wall with a cord…  I don’t know what happened after that.  I’m sure the couple was more boring than before, and perhaps I died from the boredom. That was yesterday. 

I’ve been running a fever.  I know the fever made the conversation seem like I was unhinged.  I know I have the flu.

Do you know where my car is?

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

"The wound is the place where the light enters you."  - Rumi

Just when I thought a wound couldn't be deeper, it was cut wide open again.

Monday, January 18, 2016

nothing new to tell

Have you learned a new language?  A new skill? To my joy, I am doing both.  Instruction is needed.  I am trying to learn something I have been surrounded by my whole life, but never done.  I don’t want to let too much out of the bag, in case I am horrible at it. I will share if necessary.  The language I am learning is to be Spanish. I have been advised that Chinese is the language I should be learning.  If you are young enough to be the next generation, I suggest you take that path of learning language.
I realize that as I learn new things, I don’t know much.  I am thankful I enjoy the learning.  My ambition is to achieve a joyous life.  I procrastinate more than I should.  I feel overwhelmed over small things, and make small things bigger than they are. I hope to laugh more than I cry and cry from joy, not sadness.
I don’t have a story for you today.  I thought of abandoning this project and I began a new one, and then found myself very dull and my imagination is dim.  Perhaps soon I will find inspiration and have something new to write. 

Until then, adios! 

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

The Usual

Pathetic, adjective: pitiful, pitiable, piteous, moving, touching, poignant, plaintive, distressing, upsetting, heartbreaking, heart-rending, harrowing, wretched, forlorn, feeble, woeful, sorry, poor, pitiful, lamentable, deplorable, contemptible, inadequate, paltry, insufficient, unsatisfactory.

Righteous (LIVING), adjective: good, virtuous, upright, upstanding, decent; ethical, principled, moral, high-minded, law-abiding, honest, honorable, blameless, irreproachable, noble; saintly, angelic, pure; (RIGHTEOUS ANGER) justifiable, justified, legitimate, defensible, supportable, rightful; admissible, allowable, understandable, excusable, acceptable, reasonable.

Sedate, verb: tranquilize, put under sedation, drug; adjective: slow, steady, dignified, unhurried, relaxed, measured, leisurely, slow-moving, easy, easygoing, gentle, calm, placid, tranquil, quiet, uneventful; boring, dull.

The Usual

It wasn’t my best day, I’ll admit that.  “The usual.”  That’s all the text said.  I sat down at the bar and ordered a beer from Nathaniel.  I hate this place.  It’s an old roller rink turned into a bar.  The shag carpet from the 60’s is a brown and blue color and makes me think of vomit.  Every now and then the disco ball flickers light in my eyes and I hate the place even more.  I look around and see the off duty cops at the other end of the bar and they are going on about football.  Seeing them makes me want to do something illegal and start a fight, but I don’t.  I’ll sit here and let the thoughts roll around in my mind of why you wanted me to meet you.  I’m hoping the beer or beers will sedate me before you get there.  I know 10 pm is early for you and I might not see you until around 1 am when you finish up with whatever tater tot you are playing with.  A stranger sits down beside me and we talk  a bit and he buys the next round.  He is some kind of traveling salesman.  He sales electrical transformers for utilities.  The ones that blow out on your street with a loud bang and then no power.  He said the squirrels are good for his business.  He is charming enough to amuse me until you show up. 
I watch the door for you.  The crowd makes me just as sick as the carpet in the room. The cops are right there and I see two girls who are prostitutes walk- in and carry on like the party just arrived.  They are loud and obviously high.  I know their names.  I say hello, by calling them by name just so that the police will look my way.  None of us are stupid. The girls get their drinks and move over to the pool tables and smoke cigarettes and pretend to shoot pool until someone pays them attention.  
People in the bar know I have a bad attitude and don’t care.  I’m waiting for you and buying their beers, so they need to get over it.  I had a few late nights with the bartenders and some of the patrons waiting on you and the longer you made me wait, the more my attitude soured.  One time you didn’t show until about 3 am.  Then I think I started a verbal fight with you that was really pathetic, but in my mind, I was creating a tornado in which the tables and chairs and bottles started flying all around us and we were in a vortex of the bar.  Once our eyes locked, I was out of control and you escalated the whole scene.  I think you enjoy making me mad. I have this rage inside of me that will not stop until I am consoled.  You bring me to a level that there is no place else to go but straight down.  I am out of my mind when you take me to this level.  It’s twisted and wrong.  It’s like when two people are holding guns pointed at the other’s head and we go through the whole scenario, until you back down and I am appeased.  I am too righteous to back down.  One day you will shoot me.  I am o.k. with that.  I know you will be the death of me. 

I want to start doing shots, but as I look around I realize the room is not full enough for me not to be noticed.  I made up my mind earlier that I would come, and as my thoughts tumble, and the guy sitting next to me keeps talking, I want to leave.  Something inside of me can’t let me leave.  I have to see you. You charge me up like electricity.  I have been so low without you.  Ironic I am sitting by someone who deals in electricity, but he cannot help me. 

I hate that every time you get to walk away and I have to stay.  I think about why I stay.  I keep saying that I have no way to leave.  I am the only one keeping me here.  There is nothing else.  I should have left long ago. I should be living in New England and breathing cool salt air.  I should be far from this dark hole.  I hope this time you have new orders for me.  I’ve been here so long I have convinced everyone and even myself that I am a local. 

Hours pass and I wait. 

I started talking to a lively fellow from England and we talk about our favorite haunts when we are there and I completely miss seeing you come in.  I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I turn. Before I say a word, your lips are mine and you kiss the fight right out of me. I feel the vortex but it’s an empty  wind, and it smells of the sea, and I am home again.  

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Blind Spot

Are there times when you have a blindspot in your life?    

I have my own blind spot.  I fight to change it, I have even given up on it. I don't want to keep trying to see beyond it.  I couldn't describe it until I was talking to my friend who lost her mother. 

When you are intimate with someone you know their behavior, how they react to a movie, or that they will give money to street beggers who ask.  This level of intimacy is comforting.  There are no big surprises.  What happens when someone needs to transcend their character, to do what actually is needed?  

My girlfriend is angry at her father.  Her father was with her mother when she died, his recollection of her final minutes, he said that he didn’t call 911 immediately when she slumped in a chair in the kitchen, because he was waiting for her to ask him to do so.  Of course, she was in a state that she couldn’t ask him, and by the time he called, it was too late.   She hated him for waiting. She blamed him for her mother’s death. 

She said it has always been his character; he is a passive person.  An example she gave was, if you had groceries to bring into the house, he was not the one to carry them in or put them away, he would wait and do nothing until asked.  He is detatched.  Her mother always said that if her health was ever bad, to put her in a nursing home, because she did not want to be in the care of her husband.  She knew he would not take care of her. When asked to rub her back when she had back pain, his hand would make one long stroke down her back and nothing more.  He didn't know how to give her what she needed, and didn't care enough to give it to her.  A back rub, a simple request, but he wasn't good for it.  

When there wasn’t butter at the dinner table, he would not get up and get it himself, he would ask, “Where is the butter?” and sit there patiently waiting for somone else to get the butter.  In their relationship, they never got on the same wavelength.  She would talk to him about planning a trip, or thinking how the yard could use a shade tree or perhaps some bushes for landscaping.  She would talk about having the house painted and compare house colors she saw when they were out driving to say what she liked or didn’t like.  She waited for him to have the final say, “Yes, the olive with black would look great on the house.  I’ll get an estimate and get it done before the weather changes.”  He never said words like this.  He would nod to her comments.  He in turn, waited for her to tell him to call and get an estimate and when it should be done.  The house never got painted. 

Her mother wanted and deserved more.  Her father would never give it to her.  He always wanted her to, “just tell him what to say, and he would say it,  or tell him what to do and he would do it.”  She didn’t want to be the boss of him, she wanted more from him, she wanted him to be different, and she missed a lot of life from her husband being passive.  Their marriage was fifty long, empty years for her mother.  A blind spot.   

I don't know that I am in the right place. I have a blind spot.  I know my blindspot would be eliminated, with love and affection, care, a little passion, travel, true emotional and financial security, friendships and a big change in my journey. I am open to my life being way better than I can imagine! 

Asking for blessing of miracles for your life and mine. I'm going to be paying attention! 

A BIG  THANK- YOU in Advance!!!  

- Daily Panic


Wednesday, September 16, 2015


I'm taking a break from the blog for awhile.
Nothing to worry over.
I am considering some changes to the content and the layout.
I'm working on a few things that I do badly, and either I will get worse at them or better.

If I was a betting person I would bet on - Better.

If a new blog is created I will post a link.
Thanks for stopping by.
I can be reached by e-mail.

- Daily Panic