Tuesday, February 21, 2017

An Affair (that lasted from 8am to 5pm)

Many of my grilfriends are single and they have chats on-line with total strangers. We sometimes share the details.    

This is a chat  between my friend Scarlett and Mike that lasted all day and was a delight to read.  
Keep in mind, He is a good o'le boy who is from Southern Mississippi, and she is a country girl from South Alabama, which might be why they seemed to click.  😉


8:26 am
S: I’m going to be running errands all day and won’t have data, text me and msg me every hour J 

M: Deal

9:15 am
M: hi Scarlett. its Mike.

S: perfect! Don’t be sending me naked pics, I’ll be with my grandmother and smart phones blow her mind already.

M: Ha I won’t be dong that but you feel free to. I’m sure you have some on your phone jk

S: No, My grandmother won’t take the picture. Sorry the only skin pic is one  sent to ask if a wound might need stitches. Trust me I have good skin and it covers all of me.

M: LMAO

S: want to play 10 questions? You ask me questions and you also answer them. Ask and answer as time permits.
Ex: how tall are you? I’m 5’5"

M: I’m 6’ I weigh 190 your turn lol

S: 1st q: how much do I weigh? Less than 300 #s more than 100 # I’m a decent work out if you are into bench pressing people.

M: lol you’ve played this too much

S: No, you’re my first victim. I just put my profile up Monday.  I’m shy, but not boring.

M: victim lol

S: Q2?

M: Any tats?

S: you can check me for tats, I don’t recall getting any.

M: I’ll be very thorough
11:22 am

1:16 pm
M: No more questions?

S: I thought you were going to ask all the questions… OK I’ll ask odd numbered and you ask evens.
Q3: where do you live?

M: Ha OK Ft. Bragg, you?

S: Cottonwood. so a quickie is off the table.

M: why’s that so you not like quickies??

S: Oh I do but it will take some planning… logistics

M: I’m army. Logistics is my specialty

1:41 pm 
M sends a pic of himself in his vehicle sunglasses on.

S: You are cute!! I’m a sucker for a clean shaved guy. It flips my switch ;)

M: Darling, I’ll flip your switch!!!!! 
But instead of a quickie I rather take my time with you

S: (smiley emoji with heart eyes)  Lucky me.

M: Ha right

S: Q4?

M: Go for it
Oh my turn

S: zzzz

M: Am I boring you?

S: You forgot it was your turn

M: OK what are you doing tonight?
I asked a question

S: I regret I have plans every night until the 21st.  If you asked me a week ago…

M: wth you doing every night?

S: So personal… If I tell you, then you will know I’m lame.

M: You gotta tell me now

S: I’m catfishing in a tournament every night.

M: That’s awesome. Your stock just went up.

S: Really that’s attractive?? Chicken livers on a hook??

M: I’m in love
I hand grab them

S: The verdict should be out, til the weigh in

M: It’s a rush

S: I’ve seen it done but I’m skeered I’ll stick with a hook

M: lol

S: I’ll watch

M: Where you fishing

S: The dam @ Columbia on the Georgia side

M: oh ok
Never been there
Too bad you are busy

S: I am disappointed too I think if we hung out we’d have fun

M: I know we would

S: Q5: do you drink

M: (sends a pic of a Michelob Ultra in a coozie on a picnic table) Maybe

S: I do If we went out tonight we could go to a bar, I know the band and I like their music.  It’s a little smoky but a good time.

M: too bad you are fishing
Lol

S: what do you usually do on a date?

M: Well No, usually go out to eat. Dancing if things are going well

S: your turn

M: What do you like on a first date?

S: I’m new at this and have been on one date, so I guess I would agree to dinner and see where it went

M: I’ve never been out with anyone I met on-line. 

S: Same here. I just got on- lineMonday.  
I usually hang out with the same people and decided to take a chance
My daughter said tinder is for criminals and rapist. I guess I’m a rapist…

M: Well I guess I am too lol

S: Q7: how long have you been single?

M: 1 month
Kidding lol
4 yrs

S: I was about to delete your #
JK

M: lol

S: If we only have a one night stand, your naked body is really the only thing I want to know about you
Too forward?

M: Not at all

S: If you want a long term ting I will ask for health and financial records

M: LOL I’m army so I’m clean.  We get tested yearly

S: If you have a gambling problem or a habit of hookers, deal breaker

M: Don’t gamble and damn sure don’t pay for it
I mean look at me lol

S: Yeah, why are you even on-line dating???

M: Cause I don’t go out at all I hunt fish and ride around in my jeep oh and most people get on my nerves

S: Are you quiet?

M: lol naw

S: your turn

M: Are you looking for something serious or a good time?

S: I’d like to be in a relationship because this not easy
The dating pool is shallow when you live in a small town. You?

M: I’d like to find someone to have out with. Not sure about marriage

S: Marriage never worked out for me. I stopped after I learned my lesson

M: ( winky face imogie)

S: When is your birthday?

M: July

S: Ok I would feel bad if you told me on our first date it’s your birthday and I didn’t know

M: lol When’s yours

S: August

M: Cool
So when are we going out

S: Well the 21st… or if you are off for presidents day

M: I am off but will be out of town

S: OK ask me out when you get back

M: Aight

S: You should go on a few dates between now and then , I like someone with experience 
(shy face emoji)

M: LMAO

S: I already know I can use the practice
You lover boy, are as I said, my first victim

M: I’ll happily be your first victim
5:15 pm


P.S. 
Today is the 21st. They have not communicated.  I am finding out, that a lot of these chats are actually as close as two people get to a real relationship.  

I really liked the back and foth of this and wanted to share.  

Happy South ya'll!

Daily Panic









Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Did I call you yesterday?

3WW
Three words. Write.

Tangy, adjective: zesty, sharp, acid, acidic, tart, sour, bitter, piquant, spicy, tasty, pungent.

Unhinged, adjective: deranged, demented, unbalanced, unglued, crazed, mad, insane, disturbed, out of one's mind, out of one's tree; informal crazy, mental, nutso, bonkers, batty, loopy, loco, postal, bananas, touched, batshit.

Vapid, adjective: insipid, uninspired, colorless, uninteresting, feeble, flat, dull, boring, tedious, tired, unexciting, uninspiring, unimaginative, uninvolving, lifeless, tame, vacuous, bland, trite, jejune.


A short. Short. Story.

 Did I call you Yesterday?

I’m sitting in my car speaking to you over blue tooth.

Did I call you yesterday?  I barely remember hearing your voice.  I told you I couldn’t find my car.  I remember telling you I searched for it on the rooftops, and how I slipped from the terra cotta shingles and ended up falling on my back into someone’s backyard.  The couple that lived in the house was a vapid pair and did not oblige the anxiety or urgency to find my car.  They didn’t even care that I fell from the roof.  They didn’t even question it.  They treated me like I was there for a visit. They fed me a lunch of cucumber sandwiches, which are out of season.  They made me watch their butler and maid re-enact a scene from the celebrated Broadway play, “Hamilton.”  Not being actors, the scene was a jumble and not entertaining. 

They gave me a drink, although tangy and sweet, it made me sweat and I insisted on calling you.  They allowed me the use of their phone, it was strangely attached to the wall with a cord…  I don’t know what happened after that.  I’m sure the couple was more boring than before, and perhaps I died from the boredom. That was yesterday. 

I’ve been running a fever.  I know the fever made the conversation seem like I was unhinged.  I know I have the flu.

Do you know where my car is?