Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Blind Spot

Are there times when you have a blindspot in your life?    

I have my own blind spot.  I fight to change it, I have even given up on it. I don't want to keep trying to see beyond it.  I couldn't describe it until I was talking to my friend who lost her mother. 

When you are intimate with someone you know their behavior, how they react to a movie, or that they will give money to street beggers who ask.  This level of intimacy is comforting.  There are no big surprises.  What happens when someone needs to transcend their character, to do what actually is needed?  

My girlfriend is angry at her father.  Her father was with her mother when she died, his recollection of her final minutes, he said that he didn’t call 911 immediately when she slumped in a chair in the kitchen, because he was waiting for her to ask him to do so.  Of course, she was in a state that she couldn’t ask him, and by the time he called, it was too late.   She hated him for waiting. She blamed him for her mother’s death. 

She said it has always been his character; he is a passive person.  An example she gave was, if you had groceries to bring into the house, he was not the one to carry them in or put them away, he would wait and do nothing until asked.  He is detatched.  Her mother always said that if her health was ever bad, to put her in a nursing home, because she did not want to be in the care of her husband.  She knew he would not take care of her. When asked to rub her back when she had back pain, his hand would make one long stroke down her back and nothing more.  He didn't know how to give her what she needed, and didn't care enough to give it to her.  A back rub, a simple request, but he wasn't good for it.  

When there wasn’t butter at the dinner table, he would not get up and get it himself, he would ask, “Where is the butter?” and sit there patiently waiting for somone else to get the butter.  In their relationship, they never got on the same wavelength.  She would talk to him about planning a trip, or thinking how the yard could use a shade tree or perhaps some bushes for landscaping.  She would talk about having the house painted and compare house colors she saw when they were out driving to say what she liked or didn’t like.  She waited for him to have the final say, “Yes, the olive with black would look great on the house.  I’ll get an estimate and get it done before the weather changes.”  He never said words like this.  He would nod to her comments.  He in turn, waited for her to tell him to call and get an estimate and when it should be done.  The house never got painted. 

Her mother wanted and deserved more.  Her father would never give it to her.  He always wanted her to, “just tell him what to say, and he would say it,  or tell him what to do and he would do it.”  She didn’t want to be the boss of him, she wanted more from him, she wanted him to be different, and she missed a lot of life from her husband being passive.  Their marriage was fifty long, empty years for her mother.  A blind spot.   

I don't know that I am in the right place. I have a blind spot.  I know my blindspot would be eliminated, with love and affection, care, a little passion, travel, true emotional and financial security, friendships and a big change in my journey. I am open to my life being way better than I can imagine! 

Asking for blessing of miracles for your life and mine. I'm going to be paying attention! 

A BIG  THANK- YOU in Advance!!!  

- Daily Panic


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