Monday, March 23, 2015

"Make space in your life for the inevitable arrival of what you want." - @DanielleLaPorte

I haven’t given much thought about the future in a while.   I have all this valuable time to give to myself. I am to consider my wants.  
What is it that I want?  
I need to make these decisions before they are made for me.  
I am considering areas of my health, home and spirituality.
These seem like small areas but they are HUGE.    
I am not fearless.  I admit that I face fear every day.

At work we have a saying, “To work here you can’t be afraid of hard work, because we lay down right beside it and take a nap”  - If you get that saying, it has nothing to do with my point… 

I have no problem talking to strangers, like this weekend I watched two girls playing with their dad and casually asked if the girls were twins, he (being southern…) told me his life story…divorced, contractor, owns his own business, and where he lives and all his contact information.  
He told me he was on holiday with his ex- wife that he divorced 4 yrs. ago and she is crazy.  Then he pointed her out on the beach.  I got out of the conversation and told my friends when the beautiful Mexican lady stabs me or shoots me, my health insurance card is in my wallet and I am not allergic to any medication.    Uhhhh, Yes.  That happened.

My friends gave me crap all weekend because a guy gave me his number. I  attract the most unavailable guys. But this was true too when I was not in a committed relationship.  One guy I dated, I am sure he was a polygamist (he never admitted it but there were signs) another guy was dating his ex- wife but didn’t think it would work out, and another guy had a secret crush on a newscaster and while we were dating he posted that they were engaged on facebook. I’ve had my share of relationships that were not worth my time and I know that is why I am reluctant to tie the ol’knot anytime soon.   Slow your roll, I am in a committed relationship and not looking.  Did I mention I ONLY asked the guy if the girls were twins?   I’d like to think I did the guy a favor, like an ego boost that a girl talked to him and had a conversation with him about construction (my work is construction related) regardless I had a 30 min. conversation with him.    It was longer than any of my friends talked to a guy.  All too noticeable to me was maybe the reason I attract people who are unavailable is because I am unavailable.  I know there are things in my life I need to be ok with before I expect someone else to be ok with them. 

I want to be a stronger person. I want to be more self-assured.  I come across to other people that I already possess those qualities, but on the inside I am more passive, more of a go with the flow.  I know more than ever I choose what I want and don’t want in my life. 

Every four years of my life, there are major changes and this 4th yr. rotation will not be any different. 

I agree to release the things in my life I do not need, for my health, home and spirituality.  

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