I gave away a lot of stuff

3 Word Wednesday

Aloof, Temporary, Whole

Three words. Write. 

What if you were the one who gave me flowers? 

I was thinking of us today.  I remember the night we spent under the stars because we didn’t have the key to the house. We spent the night being awkward and aloof. I remember talking and nervously holding hands. I thought it was sweet you didn’t talk much, and now I know you never say much, even when you are mad. I wonder sometimes if you knew that night, or when exactly you knew you wouldn’t leave my life. 

I am different than you, I talk constantly, but I also keep my own secrets; things that are precious to me that I don’t want anyone to ruin. I don’t always let you know my thoughts when I think of you or what I’m feeling, maybe I should.  I am protective when it comes to my feelings.  You shut me out too.  There are times when we are together and I feel very alone. I try to hold you tight, you resist and wiggle free, and I am reminded you are not mine and I am not yours.   It is hard trying to feel both joy and sadness at the same time.  You travel so much and are hardly here. I tell you to wear your glasses when you drive because you are a horrible driver, but you don’t think you drive poorly. You can risk your own life, and I think if you knew how valuable you are to me, you wouldn’t be so careless.  People ask me if I am lonely when you are not here, and for me it is no different than when you are here.    

No, I don’t need another person to make me whole, but you are a part of me and sometimes I wish our relationship was different.  Different in a good way, in a way that you would consider me more and not be so selfish.  For you, everything bends to your will, even me. I hate that I give in so easily to you and don’t get the same in return.  I realize relationships are so temporary, and nothing will last forever.   Perhaps the next person to be selfish will be me.