Devious, adjective: showing a skillful use of underhanded tactics to achieve goals; (of a route or journey) longer and less direct than the most straightforward way.
Frown, verb [no object] furrow one's brow in an expression of disapproval, displeasure, or concentration; (frown on/upon) disapprove of; noun: a facial expression or look characterized by a furrowing of one's brows.
Venomous, adjective: (of animals, especially snakes, or their parts) secreting venom; capable of injecting venom by means of a bite or sting; (of a person or their behavior) full of malice or spite.
“Question if you still love what you once loved in the way you thought you loved it.” -DanielleLaPorte
One Bag of M&M's
Brown, blue, red, yellow, green, and orange M&M’s spread across my desk. I sort the colors into small piles. The M&M’s are plain, no peanuts. I begin to eat them by color. They all taste the same. There is no reason for sorting them. I’m trying to look busy while I listen to my co-worker’s conversation in the cubbie adjacent to mine. They could see me if they look over the cubicle, but I can’t see them.
I’m eating the pile of red M&M’s. I don’t trust one of the girls. I talk to her from time to time, but mostly about something that happened to her. I knew anything I shared with her would be gossip by tomorrow. I know it is devious to eavesdrop , but they are talking about a girl we used to work with that got caught having an affair. When she got busted, she immediately went into her husband’s phone and found out he too had something on the side. She began verbally threating the girl to stay away from her husband and their family. Things escalated from there and a restraining order was filed by the wife against the husband’s girlfriend. This made me frown, because wasn't the wife having an affair too, it was a little much, until I heard the name of the husband, then I felt a flush of panic.
I’m eating the pile of green M&M’s. I picked up my phone and flipped through my text messages and read his messages, “I love you.” “I miss you.” “Can we meet for coffee?” Then more that I would rather not mention. Are these girls venomous enough to be saying this where I can hear??? Do they connect me and him? No one has called me. No wife has called me. No restraining order has been sent to me. I didn’t know he was married.
I’m eating the pile of yellow M&M’s. We met in a crowded event, by accident. I had to hug up close to him to let someone pass and to make it a little less awkward I introduced myself, and he was nice enough to make a joke of it, by saying he saw me checking him out and there was no way he was going to let me off easy. I told him I was expected with my friends and he said his loss and I walked away. Later in the night the crowd died down and he bought me a drink and we talked for a while and he got my number. This was about six months ago.
I’m eating the pile of orange M&M’s. I did like him, but I knew I didn’t love him. He would always ask me if he could kiss me, at first this was endearing, but kissing never became relaxed. This little oddity of his, I accepted. Looking back and knowing now he had other girlfriends and a wife, well, perhaps that explained his actions. I caught myself seeing other oddities about his behavior and I know this is where a relationship begins to deteriorate for me. The flaws; I begin to see nothing but flaws.
I’m eating the pile of blue M&M’s. I’m conflicted. Should I tell my co-workers about my affair with this married man and confess before they continue to harass me, but I hear their voices fade as they walk away. If the conversation was intentional, they did their damage. I say nothing and I delete all the messages and forget the whole affair. If I ever thought I might love him, now I know I would never love him.
I’m eating the pile of brown M&M’s. Appropriate, because nothing exciting happens when you eat brown M&M’s.