Beautiful, adjective: pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically; of a very high standard; excellent.
Desperate, adjective: feeling, showing, or involving a hopeless sense that a situation is so bad as to be impossible to deal with; (of an act or attempt) tried in despair or when everything else has failed; having little hope of success; (of a situation) extremely bad, serious, or dangerous; (of a person) having a great need or desire for something; (of a person or fight) violent or dangerous.
Hush, verb: make (someone) be quiet or stop talking; be quiet; suppress public mention of something; noun: a silence.
(this is the start of a story...)
FAUTE DE MIEUX
: for lack of something better or more desirable
There is a really big change in my life and I needed a spiritual intervention. Mystic as I am I verbally throw my immediate needs out to God, the stars and the whole universe. It is much like fishing in a very large pond in which there have been tales that all the fish have died, but with sheer optimism, I cast my bait out and wait.
I don’t know if it is my age or my faith that is failing faster, but today I felt a desperate urge. I felt like I could not wait for the whole universe to give me the answers so I consulted a gypsy or fortune teller, or that kid that I went to high school’s mom, she is all these things. I didn’t really know the kid, he had a different tone of darkness to his flesh that was akin to a gray with deep hollow set eyes. He never seemed approachable. I see him out in the yard and I know 20 years later he still lives with his mother.
His mother has a huge billboard in front of her tiny house and the living room has a neon sign that flashes “OPEN” nearly 24 hours a day. The house is three blocks from my own, and I come and go at all hours and this is how I know that she may get little sleep or it isn’t needed since from experience of being hypnotized, that from small sessions of being in an altered state, one can awaken and be fully rested. I wanted to ask her these things but I had to stay on task. She asked what I was there for and I stated three things: 1. A House, 2. A man, 3. A profitable store.
“Come with me to this very adventurous place,” she said. Almost immediately I felt I was definitely somewhere else than her living room. The room shifted and changed.
“You once lived a very different life.”
“You want to have that life now.”
I shook my head, “No. I desire my own life, the one I deserve.”
I looked into her beautiful green eyes and I saw a twinkle in the woman’s eye. She saw my future life and I think she knew it agreed with me.
“Hush, no further explanation. You must follow my instructions, follow them… you promise?”
Again I nodded sincerely, I couldn’t speak, maybe it was her voice or her energy when she hushed me. I felt a little woozy.
Burn sage inside your current home, wave it around to make sure all the smoke gets into every crevice. Play three violin songs. Plant soybeans in the mountains. Buy Indian money drawing soap and bathe with it daily for a week and white roses. Your wishes will all come.
Your wishes will all come.
I found the sage and burned it. The smoke trickled in a thin line and I knew that it would take forever to fill the house. I decided I would have to get more sage.
… To be continued.